Tuesday, January 2, 2007

The Selling of Sex

We have all heard that sex sells, but let's look at the selling of sex... if it were legal...

First of all, as any person in marketing or advertising will tell you, you must know your target market. Which is, basically, a stereotype based on sophisticated research. Sure, you can spend tons of dollars on researching the actual demographics (and if this were legal, it would be!), but for the sake of simplicity here, let's break it down into some simple 'types' of consumers.

You have these basic types of consumers:

Group #1: Those who believe in getting things at bargain prices.

Group #2: Those who need to be sold on facts.

Group #3: Those who are sold on emotions.

Group #4: Those who believe that price is no object, and even if it were, they are worthy of every luxury.

Group #5: Those who have to follow the latest trends.

If sex could be sold legally in the US, this is how I see things...

Marketing to group #1, the price driven consumer, is of course all built on the lowest fees. Like Wal-Mart, the sex workers would be the low-price-leaders, making it up in volume. What the provider &/or place lacks in charm & ambiance, he or she would make up for in convenience & price.

The workers would be available at all hours, on a first-come (arrival, not that sort of cum) first-served basis. They would spend little time on fan-fare, chat or other things that would take time. The center itself would have easily wiped surfaces, no carpeting, and plenty of those 'no slip' features on the floors, in shower stalls etc.

This would be all about getting in done fast, efficiently & as cleanly as possible, making it easy for all parties to get back to their busy day. Most likely service centers would be located on or near busy sections of town, in strip malls (again, no puns!), etc. Many would offer the 'all you can eat' lunch specials.

I suspect, to add a bit of 'personalization' there would be a greeter near the entrance, who, wearing a blue vest with the company slogan (like 'Soft bottoms at Rock bottom prices') on the back, would hand folks a condom when the entered.

Group #2, those who are sold by the facts on the figures, are looking for a bit more... Not that convenience & price aren't an issue, but they need to be sold.

Brochures & resumes would be handy for these service providers. Each service provider would have their own brochure. In it they would need to outline his or her stats (measurements, photo, health certification etc.), experience, training, offer a reference or two, and perhaps a list of comparisons ~ you know, like why service company A is better than service company B.

Service center issues like health certification & safely rankings would likely be of large importance. So would a highly 'sterile' environment. A list of benefits, such as 'the only agency in town that has a get-off-guarantee.' or some such. You'd better be able to back it up (I swear, I am trying to avoid the puns) as these folks will claim the guarantees.

Group #3, the emotional consumer, would likely also be moved my brochures, however the content would be vastly different.

These would be heavy on the photos of smiling providers & customers, loaded with testimonials, and pictures of puppies (in innocent repose!) wouldn't hurt either. (No images of babies here please!)

Service centers would have to pay more attention to the surroundings. Overstuffed furnishings, lots of plants, carpeting would probably be a good idea. Providers would be best off having those 'counselor' abilities. Centers would likely be theme oriented, with limited menus (think Chi-Chi's), in order to best meet customer moods & not fear shocking them with 'variations.' (You would still have emotional branding for fetishes etc, but then no vanilla things should be about to 'shock' them into loss of their emotional fantasy either.)

These folks want more of the 'whole experience' and will be less worried about prices, as long as they are moved.

Group #4, the luxury lovers, would seem the easiest to please, but not really. As the fees increase, so do the demands.

Requiring more than a sexual act, these folks want plush surroundings, fantasy suits, designer names, membership cards (allowing them unrestricted access ~ unless it is a bondage thing ), and centres (yes, spelled in the more 'exotic' European form!) would be best to offer beverages & food, as well as valet parking.

The receptionist positions would be key: all clients must be recognized & addressed by their names, their preferences remembered. Workers would have no pagers or back-to-back appointments (sorry!). Service providers must make each client feel that they are the only one, never in a rush for the next one.

Providers must also offer other charms, including conversational ability, and might have to be highly specialized. Workers would likely have a ratings system, with certain workers only available to certain types of membership holders.

I think it likely that most centres would offer more than hourly rates, offering the options for week long, 5-star hotel/spa stays, and of course, the traveling companion.

Ideally, these clubs wouldn't advertise, nor would they be in the Yellow Pages. Just the matchbook covers, members' only monikered key rings, and tasteful, sleek gold condom cases would speak of the hidden, 'invite only' clubs.

I also foresee, that these service providers will have entourages. At the least, burly, dark-suited associates with those ear pieces & holsters...

Group #5, the fad followers, need to constantly told what is new.

Sex not being such a new thing, workers would spice services up with new trendy fare & lots of celebrity names. These customers have to be the first on their blocks to do it: "Hey, Bob, how's it goin'? Oh, me? I just got back from doing it 'Cruise style'."

A business created for name-dropping pants-droppers.

These service centers would offer huge gift shoppes, offering collectible merchandise that could be displayed & shown off to friends. Licensing would be a large part of this, allowing for those in towns without such centers the option of looking the part. Centers would also have restaurants, with glass windows for plenty of visibility. (Look at me! I am at 'Hard-Cock Cafe' ~ Aren't I smart!)

A few very successful service centers might emerge, offering adult theme parks worthy of vacation destinations. Here, the t-shirts 'I rode Gracie Mountains' sell well (Dolly-wood might be the first to change over...)

But many of these centers, not being able to constantly evoke 'new' would fold, and become yesterday's news. (And those now tacky t-shirts tossed out ~ Only to be sold for big bucks on eBay decades later.)

Ahhh, America would sell the shit out of sex.

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